That's Offensive!

no subtitle needed

In recent years, the word offensive has become a sort of "get out of the argument" free card. It is used by pretty much everyone even though there are groups that like to point at others as the exclusive users (think political correctness). The problem is, the word has taken on so many meanings that it can be hard to interpret the speaker's meaning, and I think we really need to examine what offense has occurred before we decide if an action is necessary.

Setting aside the military or other attack definitions, offensive is defined as "causing someone to feel resentful, deeply hurt, upset, angry, annoyed" and some synonyms include insulting, derogatory, disrespectful, wounding, hurtful, abusive. This is not a complete set, but it does present a good start for our exploration.

We live in a society in which people have the right to believe what they feel justified to believe and they have the right to state those beliefs without fear that they could be jailed or put to death. But there is another dimension to the actual act of speaking: what is the purpose of your speech? Is it an opener to dialogue? Do you really feel you are educating people? Do you want to engage in a discussion in which you learn something from another person? Do you want to express dominance? Do you simply want to be offensive and even revel in the thought that you are causing offense?

Sure, no one has the right not to be offended, but does that justify every offensive utterance? And why do people reach for the "that's offensive" reaction? Is it always correct?

If you are in a context in which foul language is frowned upon, should you use an expletive? Clearly, I don't mind "bad words." I like writing with them because I think there's nothing that deflates the importance of an idea quite like profanity. Most curse words reference very physical and earthly acts and objects that puncture the hot air that allows some ideas to pretend to float into the ether. Having said that, it just seems courteous to avoid using such words when they might upset people with sensitive ears. There are, after all, other words to use, and selecting neutral words to express oneself is just common courtesy, a show of respect for circumstances and people.

What would be the point of using bad language in such a situation? It seems you want to cause offense for no real purpose. Such a person really looks rude or ignorant.

What about telling someone from a minority group a stereotype about themselves? What would be the purpose? You are making an assumption about an individual based on some group they belong to, and even if you have some scientific study to back up your opinion, there is a lot of variation across populations. Let's take an example like the fact that men on average tend to be physically stronger than women. That does not mean that there aren't some women who are stronger than some men. And what would be the point of mentioning something like this?

There is something particularly insulting about making presumptions about other people's feelings and lived experience, and the person being offensive can seem ignorant and/or boorish. It is not surprising that you might get called out and told no one wants to hear your ideas. Your free speech is not being impeded by the way. I don't have to entertain your ideas, though, so go scream it to the wind.

Political and religious beliefs are a particularly thorny area where people find offense. Like the minority groups, if you are stereotyping, you might want to rein it in. There is a lot of variation across various systems. It may be cathartic or give you a thrill to say or type out on Twitter that "All Christians are idiots!!!11!!" or "Liberalism is a mental illness!1!!11!1!!" And fine. You be you with your edgy rhetoric. But really the person doing that doesn't come off as a genius. It's not an argument. And, frankly, such utterances are wrong. Or they're correct in that it's possible to categorize all humans as idiotic or mentally ill along a spectrum. At the end of the day, this doesn't get you very far and it's being offensive to be offensive.

There's another place though where "that's offensive" can come into play, and that's when you state a fact about something or correct an erroneous belief. Instead of engaging the argument, people might say you are causing offense. Or, if you merely assert that certain groups (like LGBTQ) should have the same rights as others, you are causing offense: offending god quite a bit of the time and/or being anti-Christian.

Since I don't believe in any god, I don't think think there's anything to offend, so this isn't a case of being rude or a jerk. Show me your god exists, demonstrate that what I'm saying is actually wrong, and then we can have a discussion. This kind of offense doesn't exist. What I hear you saying is that you don't like the idea for some reason, but you can't defend it, so you run to the god defense. There's no argument to have here. God is the ultimate stop here forever place.

And there really isn't anything about being pro-LGTBQ rights or pro-choice that is anti-Christian. It may be anti-your-kind of Christianity, but I know plenty of Christians who support these issues. This kind of "offense" is certain Christian groups trying to claim the mantle of a minority group to say that they are persecuted.

Critiquing beliefs or ideas may make someone uncomfortable, and you may feel insulted that someone is questioning them, but this kind of "offense" shouldn't actually be so. Asking someone to support what they think should be ordinary and an opening for further understanding. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people don't know why they believe what they do, and they don't like the discomfort of being questioned. It's much easier to refuse an answer and simply say "it's offensive" to make the thinking stop.